im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
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Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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