We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
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Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize