dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize