he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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