I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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