I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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