your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Found the puke drawer
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The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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