The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
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Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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