I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize