yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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