My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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