I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize