3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yo dont text me then not text me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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