Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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