he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
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He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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