I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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