I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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