Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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