Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize