**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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