All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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