I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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