Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
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It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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