I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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