Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
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I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
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