I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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