So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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