So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
People in love make me want to vomit
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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