I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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