He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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