well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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