god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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