life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
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Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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