Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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