he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
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she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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