My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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