Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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