i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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