i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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