you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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