There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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