you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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