i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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