I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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