I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
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If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
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We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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