my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
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We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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