Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize