I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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