overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize