You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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